Cabin Crew

Cabin Crew Related Stories

PA announcements

May 3rd, 2008

Some from http://www.b737.org.uk/flight_attendant_humour.htm

On a Continental Flight with a very “senior” flight attendant crew, the pilot said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

“There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane…”

After landing: “Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in Memphis, a flight attendant on a Northwest flight announced: “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted.”

From a Southwest Airlines employee: “Welcome aboard Southwest Flight XXX to YYY. To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, margarine cups will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child…pick your favorite.

Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive.”

“Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments.”

Once on a Southwest flight, the pilot said: “We’ve reached our cruising altitude now, and I’m turning off the seat belt sign. I’m switching to autopilot, too, so I can come back there and visit with all of you for the rest of the flight.”

“Should the cabin lose pressure, oxygen masks will drop from the overhead area. Please place the bag over your own mouth and nose before assisting children or other adults acting like children.”

“As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.”

On landing the stewardess said, “Please be sure to take all your belongings. If you are going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

“Last one off the plane must clean it.

From the pilot during his welcome message: “We are pleased to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry…Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight…!

Heard on the preflight safety demo: “This is a non-smoking flight. It it illegal to smoke cigarettes or anything that will take you higher than our planned cruising altitude.”

Cessna Training Manuals

Bad CRM

June 23rd, 2007

CRM incidents as with all human factor issues usually leave us feeling utterly P**ED OFF. Why – because we are treated below the level normally required by common human decency, and it is counterproductive to safety goals. This excerpt from pprune cabin crew stickies tended to sum it all up for me.
(The following excerpts have been reproduced for safety reasons, to see the full post go to http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=193152)

Right….whenever I fly with this particular captain I don’t feel comfortable. He’s a pleasant enough chap, but has the ability to put off anybody (ground staff, dispatchers, fuellers, first officers, cabin crew etc). He is the kind of person who’s always in a rush and wants to get back early, so stresses people to the limit, almost always obtaining the opposite result.

The other day something happened that really made me want to talk to somebody in the company about it (but I didn’t).
(more…)

Cabin crew Blog-3: Short Funnies

May 3rd, 2007

Being a flight attendant for several years, I have seen things in the cabin that still make me laugh.

I was doing a flight from Germany back home to Africa a couple of weeks ago. A young lady boarded and stared shaking her body and waved her arms, loudly saying: ” I am a vegatable, I am a vegatable!” I knew what she meant, but could not help thinking what kind of vegatable she could represent, broccoli or pumkin. It turned out that what she wanted to say was that she is a Vegeterian and she wanted to make sure that her meal was loaded.

Another time on a domestic (Southern African) flight a well dressed man jumped up from his seat while we were still on our way to the bridge, shouting “Can somebody please tell me where the HIV Lounge is?!” We smiled and directed him to the VIP Lounge.

Cabin Crew vs Pilots

April 1st, 2007

I saw a quote on a movie once and it made me think -

“Never mess with the people who make your food”

Cabin Crew Blog 1

April 1st, 2007

I was on the way to the hotel last night when the cabin crew began laughing and giggling in their own native tongue (me being a foreigner I didn’t understand), however after the laughing and giggling made me too curious and I began recognising a few words, from which it seemed to me they were talking about work, I asked to please be included in the joke.
It turned out they were all telling funny stories about the pax – those adoring people that everyday we thank our lucky stars they take off our hands, not that I don’t enjoy the pax – and love the fact the airline permits us to invite known ones into the jump seat, but when you’ve got a job to do and Murphy’s law you’re bound to have a difficult one here and there, it is for a pilot just so much easier not to deal with self loading cargo.
It therefore also transpired that cabin crew have issues too. Sometimes funny – sometimes safety conscious, sometimes just a wish for awareness and open communication. Since those three things are the nature of this website I want to extend this blog to anyone wishing to submit writing for publication under the category of cabin crew. All entries are subject to moderators editing and approval, credit is given to authors- when they want it to be!.

Of course to solve your own curiosity I will include one or two of the jokes….in the next post.

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