Why I Want to be a Pilot When I Grow Up.

October 27th, 2007

I want to be a pilot when I grow up because it is fun and easy to do.

Pilots don’t need much school, they just have too learn numbers so they can read instruments.

I think they should be able to read maps so they can find their way if they get lost.

Pilots should be brave so they won’t get scared if it’s foggy and they can’t see or if wing or motor falls off they should stay calm so they’ll know what to do.

Pilots have to have good eyes so they can see through clouds and they cant be afraid of lightning or thunder because they are closer to them than we are.

Pilots are always rich, they make more money than they can spend. This is because most people think airplane flying is dangerous except pilots don’t because they know how easy it is.

There isn’t much I don’t like, except girls like pilots and all the stewardesses want to marry them and they always have to chase them away so they wont bother them.

I hope I don’t get airsick because if I do I couldn’t be a pilot and would have to go to work.

Cessna Training Manuals

GPWS Flow Chart http://www.pilotfriend.com/humour/jokes/gpws.htm

October 27th, 2007

GPWS Flow Chart

Radio Short Funnies – Noise Abatement

October 27th, 2007

(the following is apparently a true story, only the names were changed!)

Aircraft: “Nambabwe 123 requesting climb to flight level 310″

ATC: “Nambabwe 123 maintain flight level 280 for noise abatement”.

Aircraft: “What noise abatement is there at 28,000ft?!?”.

ATC: “Have you ever heard the nioise a 737 makes crashing into a Regional Jet.”.

Snags – been around for a while but still funny

October 27th, 2007

Some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots, and the replies from the
maintenance crews.

Problem: Target Radar hums
Solution: Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.”

Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”
Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.”

Problem: “The autopilot doesn’t.”
Signed off: “IT DOES NOW.”

Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.”

Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.”

Problem: “DME volume unbelievably loud.”
Solution: “Volume set to more believable level.”

Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.”

Problem: #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid
Solution: #2 Propeller seepage normal – #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage

Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.”

Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.”

Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.”

Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”

Problem: Aircraft handles funny
Solution: Aircraft warned to straighten up, “fly right” and be serious

Chirps – Where and When

October 27th, 2007

It may sound silly to many people, but it is of vital crew etiquette to chirp each other at appropriate times.
What’s a chirp? – well it is hard to describe but if you read further maybe you’ll understand.
Chirp etiquette may apply to other jobs, it’s probably just not thought of it in the same extents. I don’t know why we do think of it in such descriptive depths but probably because there is some depth believe it or not. And this theory like most aspects of CRM, as once mentioned to me by one of our senior captains “applies to all aspects of your life”, believe it or not. I do – but I am one of those people that need to as interpersonal relationships always seem to cause me friction somehow.
Anyway – as long as we know our weaknesses, But that is another story back to the chirps…

Imagine if your secretary brings you coffee at 10am and 3pm every day. Now you call her at 10:01 when your coffee doesn’t arrive to ask where it is, what is she going to say? She’s probably a bit angry you didn’t give her a grace period.
What if you didn’t remind her at all when she forgets, then at 1030 you are a bit peeved that your coffee didn’t arrive. What type of person is she – one that only forgets when a crisis comes up or one that does it to spite you because she feels you chirp her too much anyway.
If you chirp too soon a person might bite, if you chirp too late a critical task may be mismanaged.

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