Maternity and Flying

June 21st, 2008

It always poses an interesting gender debate – which has a lot of edges, how does a company cope with a pilot suddenly off the roster for 4-8 months depending on the airlines policy, while of course not discriminating. The bigger the equipment, the more difficult it is to find temporary replacements in such time, however on the other hand, pilots are transient and good crew planning should allow for unforeseen circumstances, departures for greener pastures is just as likely with a male crew member.
And the other one bound to generate lively debate, should mothers be at work, away on night stops with their babies needing them at home? But then again…should fathers? Gender equality moves both ways, and kids have and need two happy, devoted parents, however this is achieved.
Well, enough said, all these are a bit too sensitive for this forum, so I thought I’d just tackle the lighter side – modern working parents often take their babies to work, this led me to think of a few funny scenarios if it was possible for us aviation people:

“Sir can you say again please, – I can’t hear over the baby crying!”


Aircraft: “Nambabwe123 Requesting a hold.”
ATC: “Nambabwe123 your reason?”
Aircraft: “Er – co-pilot needs to finish breastfeeding”.

Or, when it really is getting bad:

ATC: “ABC Standby! we have a Nappy emergency going on here.”
Aircraft “ABC Standing by, let me know when the air is clear.”

Cessna Training Manuals

Aviation Humour…from the Dark Side

June 9th, 2008

Found at:

When one engine fails on a twin-engine airplane you always have enough power left to get you to the scene of the crash.

Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than there are submarines in the sky.

Never trade luck for skill.

The three most common famous last words in aviation are: “Why is it doing that?”, “Where are we?” and “Oh, crap”!

Weather forecasts are horoscopes with numbers.

Progress in airline flying; now a flight attendant can get a pilot pregnant.

Airspeed, altitude or brains. Two are always needed to successfully complete the flight.

A smooth landing is mostly luck; two in a row is all luck; three in a row is an outright lie.

I remember when sex was safe and flying was dangerous.

Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we have never left one up there!

If the wings are traveling faster than the fuselage, it’s probably a helicopter — and therefore, unsafe.

Flashlights are tubular metal containers kept in a flight bag for the storage of dead batteries.

Navy carrier pilots to Air Force pilots: Flaring is like squatting to pee.

Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding it or doing anything about it.

When a flight is proceeding incredibly well, something has been forgotten.

Advice given to RAF pilots during W.W.II: When a prang seems inevitable, endeavor to strike the softest, cheapest object in the vicinity as slowly and as gently as possible.

If you’re faced with a forced landing, fly the thing as far into the crash as possible. (Bob Hoover – renowned aerobatic and test pilot)

Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death I Shall Fear No Evil For I am at 80,000 Feet and Climbing (sign over the entrance to the SR-71 operating location Kadena, Japan).

You’ve never been lost until you’ve been lost at Mach 3. (Paul F. Crickmore – test pilot)

The three best things in life are a good landing, a good orgasm, and a good bowel movement. The night carrier landing is one of the few opportunities in life where you get to experience all three at the same time. (Author unknown, but obviously someone who’s been there.)

“Now I know what a dog feels like watching TV.” (DC-9 captain trainee attempting to check out on the ‘glass cockpit’ of an A-320).

Without ammunition the USAF would be just another expensive flying club.

If something hasn’t broken on your helicopter, it’s about to.

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