APT’s sell better than ATP’s

November 24th, 2008

Note: Send an email to the gonumbers for the original content of this post – (sorry APT’s can’t be uploaded directly due to site censorship rules).

HOW TO SAVE THE AIRLINES

Dump the male flight attendants. No one wanted them in the first place.

Replace all the female flight attendants with good-looking strippers! What the hell, they don’t even serve food anymore, so what’s the loss?

The strippers would at least triple the alcohol sales and get a ‘party atmosphere’ going in the cabin. And, of course, every businessman in this country would start flying again, hoping to see naked women.

Because of the tips, female flight attendants wouldn’t need a salary, thus saving even more money. I suspect tips would be so good that we could charge the women for working the plane and have them kick back 20% of the tips, including lap dances and ‘special services.’

Muslims would be afraid to get on the planes for fear of seeing naked women. Hijackings would come to a screeching halt, and the airline industry would see record revenues.

This is definitely a win-win situation if we handle it right — a golden opportunity to turn a liability into an asset.

Cessna Training Manuals

Becoming a Pilot – Part II

November 3rd, 2008

There’s been a post here before about becoming a pilot, and it painted a fairly accurate picture but we wanted to highlight some more about what they do and what they don’t tell you about a flying career.

We also wanted to antagonise some of the ‘alreadythere’s’ into helping dispel some myths for the ‘wannabe’s’.

The Truth about an Airline Career:

What Airline Pilot’s like to tell You
1.The pay is crap
2.The hours are crap
3.Working conditions are difficult

What it actually means:
1.I can’t afford to buy my stay-at-home wife a brand new car whilst still making payments on my brand new 4×4, putting the kids through private school and paying a huge mortgage on a nice house in an upper class suburb, mainly because I spend all my excess income on toys instead of putting some into a sound investments strategy.
2.I get a few 5.30am starts and night shifts, I am away from home alot but on average I work 30 hours or less total duty time per week.
3.When they run out of first class meals I occasionally have to put up with the meals from coach

The Upside:
1.You get a really nice view out of the office window
2.The flying is a lot of fun on a good day
3.There generally tends to be more good days than bad days
4.The other crew are a lot of fun when you have a good shift
5.The career building path (charter flying or instruction) can take you into some great places and leave you with some great experiences
6.You get to travel a lot – and unlike most careers which provide travel, when you get there the job is done and you can enjoy the sights
7.Once you get to the higher rungs of the career ladder the salary is not too bad
8.You typically only work 30 hours a week (60-70 flying hours a month), although some airlines maximise staff increasing duty hours at times to approx 55hrs per week, this can’t be sustained due to flight and duty limitations.
9.You get to wear a nice uniform
10.As a captain people often (unwittingly) respect you

The Down Side
1.It takes a lot of money to get your licenses and ratings
2.It is often more difficult to get a job than in traditional careers and the employment market suffers from large swings and if you are looking for a job on the down cycle you may be out of work for some time or have to take a position in a place, at a salary, or in an aircraft you are not happy with, it normally takes quite some time to get on to a level where you are earning a decent salary and you may have to be willing to move towns or countries for career progression
3.Aviation companies are competitive and dynamic, planning leave ahead and getting it is often a hit and miss situation, and you may find you are requested to go on a course for an upgrade or rating when your wife is due to give birth or your son is due to play the high school rugby finals or when you planned to get married with 100 people invited – saying no often means going to the bottom of the queue and may not have another chance for years.
4.The travel to your destination is tiring, often you don’t set foot outside the aircraft or your stop over is only long enough to recover from the jet lag
5.You are constantly being tested and evaluated, if you are with a good company it is a pleasure and chances of failure are very low, but if your company’s training is inadequate and you have been poorly prepared for a test your career can be destroyed by a bad simulator session
6.Every decision and every action on every flight, everyday on the line carries the weight of your passengers lives, (not just in those critical 5 minutes during an emergency). This means you can’t be asleep on the job, and after work you have to keep up with study on procedures, technical, and other topics if you value what you do in the level it needs to be and in a poor justice system an on the job human error, where negligence is involved, can be prosecuted as manslaughter leading to a prison sentence.
7.Life insurance premiums are higher
8.A medical problem can put a halt to the career you spent all that time and effort on before you get to the rewards
9.The uniform has a stupid looking hat and is normally made of a high polyester content
10.People think you’re arrogant and conceited because you have to be in charge at work work, and these mannerisms creep into your private life.

This is just a list of a few items that come to mind, it might seem like the down side is longer than the upside but perhaps just because we’ve been more descriptive. We’ve just listed the facts as we see it, we will let you make that decision for yourself. But one piece of advice – do it because you love it not for any other reason!

This post was written by Danielle Bruckert, professional pilot and co-author of Cessna Training Manuals, available at http://www.redskyventures.org.

Top Airline Slogans

November 2nd, 2008

The Top 15 Airline Advertising Slogans:

* Air Join our frequent near-miss program.
* Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
* Brittish Airways: Noisy engines? We\’ll turn \’em off!
* Brittish Airways: Complimentary champagne in free-fall.
* Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
* The kids will love our inflatable slides.
* You think it\’s so easy, get your own damm plane!
* Our pilots are terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
* We might be landing on your street!
* Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
* So that\’s what these buttons do!
* A real man lands where he wants to.
* We never make the same mistake three times.

Anthosia2 designed by Kaushal Sheth